I wasn't on the phone when my husband called his family, as I decided to have a nap after returning home that afternoon; but from what I could gather the idea of a home birth was not something they were thrilled about. My in laws have always been (and still are) firm believers in doctors and only doing what the doctor tells you. You could tell that they were very nervous about our decision; however, they never verbally said that they were not in support of our decision but still you could sure hear the apprehension in their voice when ever we talked to them.
We continued on with our appointments with Pam each time learning more and more and add that on to all we were learning at Bradley Class, you'd think we had become Pros and we still had not given birth yet.
The days went by and another appointment was coming due. Mark was unable to get the day off from work and so I went out on a limb and asked my parents to take the drive with me. I thought it would be a perfect chance for them to ask their questions and hopefully have some peace about what was about to happen.
We arrived at the appointment and were greeted with a hug from both Karen and Pam (that's just the kind of wonderful people they are.) I headed to the bathroom to do my urine test and to weigh myself; when I returned the parents were in the midst of asking their questions. I looked at my Dad's face and noticed that the look of uneasiness that seemed to follow him whenever we talked about our upcoming Home Birth was slowly fading away. On the trip back home they both sat in the car and finally my dad said what I was hoping would be said "I have learned more in one afternoon about pregnancy then I have in my entire life." followed quickly with my Mom saying "and I have given birth to two kids, I never knew some of this stuff. In fact some of my lingering questions that I have always wondered about have finally been answered."
So the goal of wining them to my side... I can officially say has been achieved. I think Hannah would have been pleased.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 8
On our trip back home we talked about the day. For months we had been seeing doctors, always walking away feeling as if we were lost and unknowing of what was taking place with our pregnancy, but in one morning with Pam we felt as if we were finally in the know. We were finally confident enough to make the big announcement... Telling the parents that we were going to have an unmediated home birth.
They had already known we were taking part in the Bradley classes but they figured it was because we wanted to be more informed about our pregnancy, that we were not thrilled about the Lamaze classes being offered for one day at the local hospital. But truthfully, we think they never saw this coming.
That Sunday we took my parents out for lunch at Oysters; a local Mexican restaurant. We began telling them how our classes were going and how excited we were to be learning so much. Truthfully, I believe that even my mom was amazed at what was happening with a pregnant woman, and she even gave birth to two children. Then finally I just said it "we have decided on a home birth." My mom's face went from a normal color full of life to a death white and my dad just sat blinking trying to process what he had just heard. I let it process for a few moments and then proceeded to tell them of what we had discovered. I also reminded them that home births have been happening since the beginning of time, and that we had every confidence in not only ourselves but also in our midwives. My mom decided to speak up asking Mark "are you sure you can do this? your not very good with high stress situations." Mark replied "Yes, I am confident that we can do this. We are learning everything there is to know about this and we have hired the best midwives there are. This is something that we have prayed about for a long while and believe we have made the best decision for not only us but for our son." I sat there looking at my husband and fell in love with him all over again, he was so confident in his words, and spoke with such conviction I was so proud of him.
We finished our lunch while answering all the questions they could come up with, when we parted ways that afternoon we could tell that they were not completely sold on the idea of a home birth but had resolved to allow us to do what we felt was best. Noticing their apprehension I made it my goal to win them over to our side.
We then went home to make the call to my husbands family, who lived in Illinois.
They had already known we were taking part in the Bradley classes but they figured it was because we wanted to be more informed about our pregnancy, that we were not thrilled about the Lamaze classes being offered for one day at the local hospital. But truthfully, we think they never saw this coming.
That Sunday we took my parents out for lunch at Oysters; a local Mexican restaurant. We began telling them how our classes were going and how excited we were to be learning so much. Truthfully, I believe that even my mom was amazed at what was happening with a pregnant woman, and she even gave birth to two children. Then finally I just said it "we have decided on a home birth." My mom's face went from a normal color full of life to a death white and my dad just sat blinking trying to process what he had just heard. I let it process for a few moments and then proceeded to tell them of what we had discovered. I also reminded them that home births have been happening since the beginning of time, and that we had every confidence in not only ourselves but also in our midwives. My mom decided to speak up asking Mark "are you sure you can do this? your not very good with high stress situations." Mark replied "Yes, I am confident that we can do this. We are learning everything there is to know about this and we have hired the best midwives there are. This is something that we have prayed about for a long while and believe we have made the best decision for not only us but for our son." I sat there looking at my husband and fell in love with him all over again, he was so confident in his words, and spoke with such conviction I was so proud of him.
We finished our lunch while answering all the questions they could come up with, when we parted ways that afternoon we could tell that they were not completely sold on the idea of a home birth but had resolved to allow us to do what we felt was best. Noticing their apprehension I made it my goal to win them over to our side.
We then went home to make the call to my husbands family, who lived in Illinois.
Friday, May 7, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 7
The answer to that question is of course.... NO!
But anyway back to where I left off.
Later that afternoon, we sat at our kitchen table and called Pam for our scheduled interview. We ran her through the grind with questions about her beliefs and about home birthing itself. She answered every question showing no sign of annoyance as I will have to admit we were a little (for lack of a better word at this moment) annal. The most important question was are you a Christian? to which she answered yes. To us it was a big deal to have a Christian midwife as we did not want to have a "new age" midwife (something that seems to be associated with allot of midwifes, however, once you do your research you find that is not always the case.)
We then proceeded to tell her of the days events at the doctors office. She too was confused, in her line of work she had never had someone have their blood type change on her, so she decided to order another blood test. I went down the following day to the nearest Lab Corp and did as was ordered. The next day we received a phone call from Pam "the test results are in, your blood type is O negative. You really need to come to my office at once as we need to administer the RhoGAM shot." We made an appointment and then proceeded to inform our employers that we had to take the day off as we had an emergency appointment with our midwife in Phoenix the following morning... thank GOD for wonderful employers!
The next day we headed off to Phoenix (2 hour drive from our town) and finally met in person our midwife, Pam. She was everything I had pictured when talking with her, young but not too young, short (like me) and full of personality. We talked for what seemed like hours going over all the doctors reports (we had brought my entire medical record) and trying to make sense of what they were trying to say. Finally, she looked up at me and shook her head in disbelief. Understanding my wishes to not have vaginal checkups unless it was completely necessary (actually she too did not agree with every appointment having to have a vaginal checkup) she performed a regular check up. After the checkup she said "I know you are not looking forward to this shot however, it is best for the baby and for you." I knew this, however, knowing it was not the same as being OK with it. After my first experience with the shot, I was not looking forward to having to get another one (and possibly another one if the baby had positive blood type.) She gave me a few minutes and allowed me to prepare for the shot, then gently using the love of a mother administered the shot. It was not as painful as the first, however, it still was very traumatic for me, she understood that and after the shot was done waited for me to turn around and she then swooped me into her arms giving me a hug that seemed to make all the trauma melt away. And for the first time since we found out we were pregnant, I finally felt...pregnant.
But anyway back to where I left off.
Later that afternoon, we sat at our kitchen table and called Pam for our scheduled interview. We ran her through the grind with questions about her beliefs and about home birthing itself. She answered every question showing no sign of annoyance as I will have to admit we were a little (for lack of a better word at this moment) annal. The most important question was are you a Christian? to which she answered yes. To us it was a big deal to have a Christian midwife as we did not want to have a "new age" midwife (something that seems to be associated with allot of midwifes, however, once you do your research you find that is not always the case.)
We then proceeded to tell her of the days events at the doctors office. She too was confused, in her line of work she had never had someone have their blood type change on her, so she decided to order another blood test. I went down the following day to the nearest Lab Corp and did as was ordered. The next day we received a phone call from Pam "the test results are in, your blood type is O negative. You really need to come to my office at once as we need to administer the RhoGAM shot." We made an appointment and then proceeded to inform our employers that we had to take the day off as we had an emergency appointment with our midwife in Phoenix the following morning... thank GOD for wonderful employers!
The next day we headed off to Phoenix (2 hour drive from our town) and finally met in person our midwife, Pam. She was everything I had pictured when talking with her, young but not too young, short (like me) and full of personality. We talked for what seemed like hours going over all the doctors reports (we had brought my entire medical record) and trying to make sense of what they were trying to say. Finally, she looked up at me and shook her head in disbelief. Understanding my wishes to not have vaginal checkups unless it was completely necessary (actually she too did not agree with every appointment having to have a vaginal checkup) she performed a regular check up. After the checkup she said "I know you are not looking forward to this shot however, it is best for the baby and for you." I knew this, however, knowing it was not the same as being OK with it. After my first experience with the shot, I was not looking forward to having to get another one (and possibly another one if the baby had positive blood type.) She gave me a few minutes and allowed me to prepare for the shot, then gently using the love of a mother administered the shot. It was not as painful as the first, however, it still was very traumatic for me, she understood that and after the shot was done waited for me to turn around and she then swooped me into her arms giving me a hug that seemed to make all the trauma melt away. And for the first time since we found out we were pregnant, I finally felt...pregnant.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 6
All I could do for the first few minutes was stumble around trying to find the words to say... the right questions to ask. Pam quickly set my mind at ease and made me feel as if we were best friends. I explained to her my story (up until that point) and waited for her reaction of "oh, sorry dear, I don't travel" but to my surprise it never came in fact I got the "I'm the second midwife for another couple in your town ... you might know them the M family". I was floored.. (the M family was the second couple in my Bradley Class I told you all about earlier in this blog.) After a few more words of encouragement she informed me that she would be happy to be our midwife as long as she could find a second midwife to assist.
A few minutes later she contacted me again and stated... "when would you like to meet?" I almost cried! I finally had a break through! I explained that I had an appointment with Dr. Nelson the following day to get the second of the RhoGAM shot (you need three during your pregnancy) so we made a phone interview appointment for after we returned home from the trip to Dr. Nelsons.
Early the next morning we made the trip to Dr. Nelsons, waiting in his office... finally being called to the front desk with the instructions to go have my blood drawn. From what we were told this was standard procedure as they want to make sure that I really do need the RhoGAM shot or if it was a little too soon for it. So off we went. Blood drawn and hours after hours we waited then finally the nursed called me to her office. "Belienda, you don't need the shot, you never needed it as your blood type is O positive."
We left the doctors office feeling confused... can a persons blood type change???
A few minutes later she contacted me again and stated... "when would you like to meet?" I almost cried! I finally had a break through! I explained that I had an appointment with Dr. Nelson the following day to get the second of the RhoGAM shot (you need three during your pregnancy) so we made a phone interview appointment for after we returned home from the trip to Dr. Nelsons.
Early the next morning we made the trip to Dr. Nelsons, waiting in his office... finally being called to the front desk with the instructions to go have my blood drawn. From what we were told this was standard procedure as they want to make sure that I really do need the RhoGAM shot or if it was a little too soon for it. So off we went. Blood drawn and hours after hours we waited then finally the nursed called me to her office. "Belienda, you don't need the shot, you never needed it as your blood type is O positive."
We left the doctors office feeling confused... can a persons blood type change???
Friday, April 30, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 4
Day 5
A few weeks later we began the series of Bradley Classes. Robin and Bill were such great instructors, of course it did help that they too were Christians (which was for us a very big deal). Our class was filled with three couples (we were one of the couples), the other two were also Christians. The first couple was pregnant with their first child, they were such a joy to get to know, the second was pregnant with their second child (also a childhood friend of mine).
When the class began Robin and Bill asked the second couple to share their birth story (for their first child); I was intrigued by the words Home Birth. Truthfully, I had never even heard of one before; although if I really sit back and think about it didn't Hannah have one and the others before her? anyway... (You would have thought that with my research of Bradley classes, something would have stuck in my mind about Home Birthing... so I will just blame the pregnancy... it took some brain cells).
That night while driving home from the class we discussed this Home Birth option. At first we were completely for a Hospital birth, after all we had already gone through enough so why take the chance for a home birth? But after more and more research about home birthing and hearing actual people we knew and trusted talk about the experience we knew we had to take the plunge.
Thus, began our search for a Mid Wife. Living in a very small town, the search for a Mid Wife who was willing to travel to our town was like finding a needle in a hay stack. I literally called about 50 Mid Wives, one of which told me that she did not suggest a Mid Wife as they never make it to the births in time and usually find the mother and child in a pool of blood or dead. I thanked her for her time and went about my search. Of course I could have used the Mid Wife that the second couple was using but we were told that she was not taking any new clients at that time. Then just before I picked up the phone to dial #51 it rang... on the other end was an Angle! Her name... Pam Qualls.
Tomorrows Post "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 5
A few weeks later we began the series of Bradley Classes. Robin and Bill were such great instructors, of course it did help that they too were Christians (which was for us a very big deal). Our class was filled with three couples (we were one of the couples), the other two were also Christians. The first couple was pregnant with their first child, they were such a joy to get to know, the second was pregnant with their second child (also a childhood friend of mine).
When the class began Robin and Bill asked the second couple to share their birth story (for their first child); I was intrigued by the words Home Birth. Truthfully, I had never even heard of one before; although if I really sit back and think about it didn't Hannah have one and the others before her? anyway... (You would have thought that with my research of Bradley classes, something would have stuck in my mind about Home Birthing... so I will just blame the pregnancy... it took some brain cells).
That night while driving home from the class we discussed this Home Birth option. At first we were completely for a Hospital birth, after all we had already gone through enough so why take the chance for a home birth? But after more and more research about home birthing and hearing actual people we knew and trusted talk about the experience we knew we had to take the plunge.
Thus, began our search for a Mid Wife. Living in a very small town, the search for a Mid Wife who was willing to travel to our town was like finding a needle in a hay stack. I literally called about 50 Mid Wives, one of which told me that she did not suggest a Mid Wife as they never make it to the births in time and usually find the mother and child in a pool of blood or dead. I thanked her for her time and went about my search. Of course I could have used the Mid Wife that the second couple was using but we were told that she was not taking any new clients at that time. Then just before I picked up the phone to dial #51 it rang... on the other end was an Angle! Her name... Pam Qualls.
Tomorrows Post "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 5
Thursday, April 29, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 3
Day 4
Finally, the words we were longing to hear from a doctor... Pregnant!
We continued on the path of our monthly visits to Dr. Nelson. We would take the day off work to travel down to Lake Havasu City for our 10-15 minute visit with the doctor. After our visit we would then head over to the London Bridge where they have this wonderful restaurant that serves the best chips and spinach/artichoke dip we have ever had. Then we would walk around the beautiful landmark making plans for our new arrival.
While we dreamt of what was to come we would think ..."we just left the doctors office so why do we feel like we haven't a clue of what is going on?" Don't get me wrong we were always asked if we had questions, however, because we really did not understand the process how could we even ask questions or even know where to begin asking questions. This puzzled us so we began another search for answers and another season of prayer.
Then another breakthrough...
While making a visit to the best chiropractor in the USA I noticed a poster for "Bradley Classes - Husband Coached Childbirth" and immediately became interested. Then turning my head noticed that a high school mate of mine was standing beside me, he turned out to be not only a chiropractor (who by the way actually adjusted me that day) but also part of the team who became our Bradley Class instructors. While adjusting me he would tell me things that we would learn in the class all the while I could just think... I feel more informed with him then I do with my own doctor and he is the chiropractor. I took his number down and rushed to tell my husband about this new idea.
Mark made the call and got us enrolled in Bradley a few days later. Thus began our journey of what we like to call "Informed Pregnancy."
Tomorrows Post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 4
Finally, the words we were longing to hear from a doctor... Pregnant!
We continued on the path of our monthly visits to Dr. Nelson. We would take the day off work to travel down to Lake Havasu City for our 10-15 minute visit with the doctor. After our visit we would then head over to the London Bridge where they have this wonderful restaurant that serves the best chips and spinach/artichoke dip we have ever had. Then we would walk around the beautiful landmark making plans for our new arrival.
While we dreamt of what was to come we would think ..."we just left the doctors office so why do we feel like we haven't a clue of what is going on?" Don't get me wrong we were always asked if we had questions, however, because we really did not understand the process how could we even ask questions or even know where to begin asking questions. This puzzled us so we began another search for answers and another season of prayer.
Then another breakthrough...
While making a visit to the best chiropractor in the USA I noticed a poster for "Bradley Classes - Husband Coached Childbirth" and immediately became interested. Then turning my head noticed that a high school mate of mine was standing beside me, he turned out to be not only a chiropractor (who by the way actually adjusted me that day) but also part of the team who became our Bradley Class instructors. While adjusting me he would tell me things that we would learn in the class all the while I could just think... I feel more informed with him then I do with my own doctor and he is the chiropractor. I took his number down and rushed to tell my husband about this new idea.
Mark made the call and got us enrolled in Bradley a few days later. Thus began our journey of what we like to call "Informed Pregnancy."
Tomorrows Post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 4
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
"Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 2
Day 3
Lying in the ER was brutal. Many tests were conducted and many questions were asked and answered, finally a result came 6 hours later... "Mam' it appears that you are experiencing a miscarriage, nothing can be done, except to let nature take it's course" How's that for bed side manor? Followed shortly with a nurse who held in her hand a needle filled with RhoGAM and her voice of authority saying "turn over please."
Not even having a chance to let the news sink in to my head I did as she asked but as soon as I did I saw my husbands face then I began to break down. I don't do well with needles (in fact I have been known to faint at the sight of them) and the news devastated me. Asking the nurse to wait a few minutes while I tried to compose myself she answered in one fail swoop and what my husband tells me took the shoot of RhoGAM and with a military like thrust jammed the shoot into my left back side check. I only remember feeling like I had been thrown to the ground from an explosion and turning my head to see in a blur the nurse preparing the dismissal papers.
We left the hospital that day feeling devastated and violated. How is it that we could be so happy about defeating the odds one day and so sad about this turn of events the next day. We answered our own questions with a season of prayer and began pouring our hearts out to God asking for His peace.
The following week began a series of doctors appointments and more blood tests, still heavy bleeding with no cramps would continue. This was answered with the second doctor telling me that "if you don't pass this thing by tomorrow you will need to take a pill to get rid of it or have a DNC done." None of these two options sat right with me, in fact I saw them as not an option. (I do not believe in abortion even if it means the life of the mother, I believe that Gods will be done in all aspects of ones life.) I left the doctor with the final words of thank you but no thank you and returned home that day and began calling my friends who had medical connections. Cassie, my best friend, suggested that I see a specialist that she knew and he even traveled to our town. Hope in my eye, I quickly made the appointment. He conducted another ultra sound, evaluated all the charts and tests and looked at both my husband and I and said, "you are pregnant with twins however, they will not survive they are unhealthy and it apears your body is in the process of a miscarriage." We took the doctors words and thanked him for seeing us then returned home to continue the search for a doctor that was willing to help.
Then finally a break through.
Two months and four doctors later (four months into the pregnancy) we finally found a doctor to confirm that I was indeed pregnant. Up until this time all the doctors would treat me as if I was miscarrying never as if I was pregnant. Dr. Nelson, the same doctor who delivered me, said the words I was longing to hear "your pregnant with one healthy baby boy." My husband and I looked at each other with starry eyes then back at the screen that showed the proof and for the first time we saw our beautiful, precious gift... Elijah.
Looking back at my story up till this point I wonder... If Hannah had the technology that we have now what would she have said or even had done? For she like I had now been blessed by God with the gift... the gift of Motherhood.
Tomorrows Post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 3
Lying in the ER was brutal. Many tests were conducted and many questions were asked and answered, finally a result came 6 hours later... "Mam' it appears that you are experiencing a miscarriage, nothing can be done, except to let nature take it's course" How's that for bed side manor? Followed shortly with a nurse who held in her hand a needle filled with RhoGAM and her voice of authority saying "turn over please."
Not even having a chance to let the news sink in to my head I did as she asked but as soon as I did I saw my husbands face then I began to break down. I don't do well with needles (in fact I have been known to faint at the sight of them) and the news devastated me. Asking the nurse to wait a few minutes while I tried to compose myself she answered in one fail swoop and what my husband tells me took the shoot of RhoGAM and with a military like thrust jammed the shoot into my left back side check. I only remember feeling like I had been thrown to the ground from an explosion and turning my head to see in a blur the nurse preparing the dismissal papers.
We left the hospital that day feeling devastated and violated. How is it that we could be so happy about defeating the odds one day and so sad about this turn of events the next day. We answered our own questions with a season of prayer and began pouring our hearts out to God asking for His peace.
The following week began a series of doctors appointments and more blood tests, still heavy bleeding with no cramps would continue. This was answered with the second doctor telling me that "if you don't pass this thing by tomorrow you will need to take a pill to get rid of it or have a DNC done." None of these two options sat right with me, in fact I saw them as not an option. (I do not believe in abortion even if it means the life of the mother, I believe that Gods will be done in all aspects of ones life.) I left the doctor with the final words of thank you but no thank you and returned home that day and began calling my friends who had medical connections. Cassie, my best friend, suggested that I see a specialist that she knew and he even traveled to our town. Hope in my eye, I quickly made the appointment. He conducted another ultra sound, evaluated all the charts and tests and looked at both my husband and I and said, "you are pregnant with twins however, they will not survive they are unhealthy and it apears your body is in the process of a miscarriage." We took the doctors words and thanked him for seeing us then returned home to continue the search for a doctor that was willing to help.
Then finally a break through.
Two months and four doctors later (four months into the pregnancy) we finally found a doctor to confirm that I was indeed pregnant. Up until this time all the doctors would treat me as if I was miscarrying never as if I was pregnant. Dr. Nelson, the same doctor who delivered me, said the words I was longing to hear "your pregnant with one healthy baby boy." My husband and I looked at each other with starry eyes then back at the screen that showed the proof and for the first time we saw our beautiful, precious gift... Elijah.
Looking back at my story up till this point I wonder... If Hannah had the technology that we have now what would she have said or even had done? For she like I had now been blessed by God with the gift... the gift of Motherhood.
Tomorrows Post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 3
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
"Natural Childbirth ... Love the stuff." Part 1
Day 2
After many years of trying to become pregnant we finally resorted to seeking the help of a fertility doctor. Many tests later it was discovered that we were not going to be able to conceive a child.
Each Mothers Day was especially hard on me; going to church on that Sunday was the absolute worst. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem with the actual Mothers or the mass amount of children the church would seem to pull from the wood work. The problem was the bright loving faces of the children who were asked to pass out single long stem roses to each Mother in attendance followed by a loving hug and a "Thanks Mom." Thus would bring about almost instantaneously my sobs... and the realization of another year that I was not a mother.
On the way home from Church I would vow to my husband that I would do everything in my power to come to the realization that God was not punishing me and that He had a plan for me, one that would blow my socks off... following closely with the "Honey, next year I won't be so emotional" speech. The rest of the day would be spent in a silent room holding each other for comfort. I would usually end the day reading about Hannah in the Bible, and how she prayed to become a mother, how she would seek the understanding of why God had forgotten about her, I watched her battle with the emotions of coming to the realization that she was never to bear children, however, that did not mean God did not love her or even that He had forgotten about her. I would pray that God would work in me the same way He worked in Hannah... that He would bring a peace on me that only He could give. Yet, like every other human being I would take the struggle back and try to deal with it on my own.
Eventually, God through the story of Hannah spoke to me and softly said my child I am here... I will never leave you or forsake you... just be patient I have great things in store for you.
May 2007.
While working two jobs, I figured my fatigue was just the stress of a lack of sleep, that if I just slowed down and took a day off I would start to feel more like myself.
The morning of May 3: on my way to Wal-Mart for the monthly office supplies I had this nagging feeling that I should get a pregnancy test. Just the thought of the test made my heart leap... I was so excited that I literally had to tell myself that the test would come out negative and that I should not get my hopes up. That the test was just to get this nagging feeling to go away. However, I still rushed home to take the test. Three minutes later I saw the words
not the words NOT Pregnant but actually Pregnant!!! I sat on the commode in utter shock. I had no idea if I should cry, call my husband or take another test. I realized shortly thereafter, that I was shaking and with tears streaming down my face I shouted "Praise you Father... Thank you for answered prayer!"
That night while folding laundry and getting ready for a busy night of waitressing at the local Mexican Food Restaurant I sat my husband down and gave him a gift box. Tired from his long day at work, he looked at the box and said oh so who is this for. I stated it's something I picked up for your mom for mothers day, open it and see if she would like it. He opened it and found one blue baby shoe and on pink baby shoe; then looking up at me said something to the effect of your pregnant? with a look of confusion on his face. He was very happy, however, extremely shocked.
It took a night for him to let it sink in.
May 4: What every woman fears... happened to me... I began to bleed. It was worse then a regular cycle, however, I never had any cramping. We rushed to the ER where I was admitted and the pregnancy roller coaster began.
Tomorrows post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 2
After many years of trying to become pregnant we finally resorted to seeking the help of a fertility doctor. Many tests later it was discovered that we were not going to be able to conceive a child.
Each Mothers Day was especially hard on me; going to church on that Sunday was the absolute worst. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem with the actual Mothers or the mass amount of children the church would seem to pull from the wood work. The problem was the bright loving faces of the children who were asked to pass out single long stem roses to each Mother in attendance followed by a loving hug and a "Thanks Mom." Thus would bring about almost instantaneously my sobs... and the realization of another year that I was not a mother.
On the way home from Church I would vow to my husband that I would do everything in my power to come to the realization that God was not punishing me and that He had a plan for me, one that would blow my socks off... following closely with the "Honey, next year I won't be so emotional" speech. The rest of the day would be spent in a silent room holding each other for comfort. I would usually end the day reading about Hannah in the Bible, and how she prayed to become a mother, how she would seek the understanding of why God had forgotten about her, I watched her battle with the emotions of coming to the realization that she was never to bear children, however, that did not mean God did not love her or even that He had forgotten about her. I would pray that God would work in me the same way He worked in Hannah... that He would bring a peace on me that only He could give. Yet, like every other human being I would take the struggle back and try to deal with it on my own.
Eventually, God through the story of Hannah spoke to me and softly said my child I am here... I will never leave you or forsake you... just be patient I have great things in store for you.
May 2007.
While working two jobs, I figured my fatigue was just the stress of a lack of sleep, that if I just slowed down and took a day off I would start to feel more like myself.
The morning of May 3: on my way to Wal-Mart for the monthly office supplies I had this nagging feeling that I should get a pregnancy test. Just the thought of the test made my heart leap... I was so excited that I literally had to tell myself that the test would come out negative and that I should not get my hopes up. That the test was just to get this nagging feeling to go away. However, I still rushed home to take the test. Three minutes later I saw the words
"Pregnant"
not the words NOT Pregnant but actually Pregnant!!! I sat on the commode in utter shock. I had no idea if I should cry, call my husband or take another test. I realized shortly thereafter, that I was shaking and with tears streaming down my face I shouted "Praise you Father... Thank you for answered prayer!"
That night while folding laundry and getting ready for a busy night of waitressing at the local Mexican Food Restaurant I sat my husband down and gave him a gift box. Tired from his long day at work, he looked at the box and said oh so who is this for. I stated it's something I picked up for your mom for mothers day, open it and see if she would like it. He opened it and found one blue baby shoe and on pink baby shoe; then looking up at me said something to the effect of your pregnant? with a look of confusion on his face. He was very happy, however, extremely shocked.
It took a night for him to let it sink in.
May 4: What every woman fears... happened to me... I began to bleed. It was worse then a regular cycle, however, I never had any cramping. We rushed to the ER where I was admitted and the pregnancy roller coaster began.
Tomorrows post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 2
Being a wife and a mother and working a full time job is not only rewarding but a blessing.
Rewarding in the fact that my hubby of nearly 6 years still takes my breath away... makes me blush every time he enters the room and showers me with unconditional love every moment of the day.
Rewarding that almost 3 years ago the Lord blessed us with a beautiful, happy, healthy, thriving little boy who is the smartest 2 1/2 year old that I have ever known.
Rewarding that everyday when I return home from work he is standing at the door with the biggest smile on his face jumping up and down yelling "Mommy.. Mommy.. Mommy's home" all while running into my arms to give me a kiss and telling me about the days activities.
Rewarding that life as I know it is not always the easiest yet it is my life and my life is GREAT.
Thus begins day 1 of my new blog. I can't promise much in this blog except for honesty, and respect. I will promise that my posts will be filled with truth, love and humor. So if you are interested follow along with me on this road called life... I guarantee that Life as you know it will never be the same.
Tomorrows post: "Natural Childbirth ... Love the stuff."
Rewarding in the fact that my hubby of nearly 6 years still takes my breath away... makes me blush every time he enters the room and showers me with unconditional love every moment of the day.
Rewarding that almost 3 years ago the Lord blessed us with a beautiful, happy, healthy, thriving little boy who is the smartest 2 1/2 year old that I have ever known.
Rewarding that everyday when I return home from work he is standing at the door with the biggest smile on his face jumping up and down yelling "Mommy.. Mommy.. Mommy's home" all while running into my arms to give me a kiss and telling me about the days activities.
Rewarding that life as I know it is not always the easiest yet it is my life and my life is GREAT.
Thus begins day 1 of my new blog. I can't promise much in this blog except for honesty, and respect. I will promise that my posts will be filled with truth, love and humor. So if you are interested follow along with me on this road called life... I guarantee that Life as you know it will never be the same.
Tomorrows post: "Natural Childbirth ... Love the stuff."
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