After many years of trying to become pregnant we finally resorted to seeking the help of a fertility doctor. Many tests later it was discovered that we were not going to be able to conceive a child.
Each Mothers Day was especially hard on me; going to church on that Sunday was the absolute worst. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem with the actual Mothers or the mass amount of children the church would seem to pull from the wood work. The problem was the bright loving faces of the children who were asked to pass out single long stem roses to each Mother in attendance followed by a loving hug and a "Thanks Mom." Thus would bring about almost instantaneously my sobs... and the realization of another year that I was not a mother.
On the way home from Church I would vow to my husband that I would do everything in my power to come to the realization that God was not punishing me and that He had a plan for me, one that would blow my socks off... following closely with the "Honey, next year I won't be so emotional" speech. The rest of the day would be spent in a silent room holding each other for comfort. I would usually end the day reading about Hannah in the Bible, and how she prayed to become a mother, how she would seek the understanding of why God had forgotten about her, I watched her battle with the emotions of coming to the realization that she was never to bear children, however, that did not mean God did not love her or even that He had forgotten about her. I would pray that God would work in me the same way He worked in Hannah... that He would bring a peace on me that only He could give. Yet, like every other human being I would take the struggle back and try to deal with it on my own.
Eventually, God through the story of Hannah spoke to me and softly said my child I am here... I will never leave you or forsake you... just be patient I have great things in store for you.
May 2007.
While working two jobs, I figured my fatigue was just the stress of a lack of sleep, that if I just slowed down and took a day off I would start to feel more like myself.
The morning of May 3: on my way to Wal-Mart for the monthly office supplies I had this nagging feeling that I should get a pregnancy test. Just the thought of the test made my heart leap... I was so excited that I literally had to tell myself that the test would come out negative and that I should not get my hopes up. That the test was just to get this nagging feeling to go away. However, I still rushed home to take the test. Three minutes later I saw the words
"Pregnant"
not the words NOT Pregnant but actually Pregnant!!! I sat on the commode in utter shock. I had no idea if I should cry, call my husband or take another test. I realized shortly thereafter, that I was shaking and with tears streaming down my face I shouted "Praise you Father... Thank you for answered prayer!"
That night while folding laundry and getting ready for a busy night of waitressing at the local Mexican Food Restaurant I sat my husband down and gave him a gift box. Tired from his long day at work, he looked at the box and said oh so who is this for. I stated it's something I picked up for your mom for mothers day, open it and see if she would like it. He opened it and found one blue baby shoe and on pink baby shoe; then looking up at me said something to the effect of your pregnant? with a look of confusion on his face. He was very happy, however, extremely shocked.
It took a night for him to let it sink in.
May 4: What every woman fears... happened to me... I began to bleed. It was worse then a regular cycle, however, I never had any cramping. We rushed to the ER where I was admitted and the pregnancy roller coaster began.
Tomorrows post: "Natural Childbirth... Love the Stuff" Part 2
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